yesterday's papers
03.14.04 @ 11:01 p.m.
Hum. I need one more source for my paper that's due tomorrow evening, and I've got nothing. NOTHING. For once in my life,the internet is NO HELP AT ALL. I suppose I shouldn't say that, it'll turn on me if I betray it. I'm thinkin' I write as much as I can tonight, or at least outline/rough write most of it, then wake up super mega early tomorrow and camp in the library for a while. Wheee.
I guess I haven't written since Friday afternoon. My Italian final was moderately fucked up, because I get nervous and lose all ability to form coherent sentences. Hopefully my teachers realize this, because I'm perfectly competent when I do scripted skits. But that's likely because I'm not on the spot, scrambling for the appropriate verb and then oh, fuck, what tense am I suppose to be using? Gender? Number? *implode* Eh. We got off topic, talking about dogs, an Austrian television show that featured a German Shepherd, Best In Show, and Christopher Guest in general. Fun. My paper also sucks. But that was kind of a given.
Saturday I dealt with a situation that makes me astonished at my own maturity, but I shall avoid detail because while I was cool, calm, and collected, it might make me squeamish in retrospect. I was a bit terrified yesterday that the worst dream I ever had would make a reappearance last night, but it didn't. I guess it was the most psychologically distressing. Worst, in a made-me-depressed-all-day was one where I was married to someone in a very odd situation (Roman/Ancient Briton war) and he fucking CHEATED on me. That was really awful, because in the dream I was very much in love. Anyway, it was kind of the next natural step to start cleaning almost obsessively, so I spent rather a lot of yesterday scrubbing and then washing the windows. It was kind of fun, toward the end I dropped our stepping stool out the window and climbed into the alley next to our house because the gate is stuck. In the middle of all this, Fuckwit Landlord came by and we finally signed our rental papers. We've been living here for about 8 months, and we just now did the paperwork. We are SO responsible. Did I mention I forgot to do my financial aid and now I'm not assured that I'll get it?
MY LIFE FUCKING ROCKS.
Yeah. That was uncalled for, but I'm less than thrilled with the amount of stress I am under for finals. I don't know why this term seems worse than any other, but it does. Which is why I'm dodging like hell and writing here (while watching the local news, man I hate local newscasters) instead of working on my paper like a good girl. Shame on me. I can't really remember what else happened last night. I took a really long shower, that's right, and indulged in some serious angst. I was extremely, extremely pissed off at Ena, because while we were arranging the provisions for long term guests, Fuckwit Landlord made a hypothetical suggestion about me getting a boyfriend and him staying over a lot, and Ena snorts and mutters, "That's not likely to happen." I was really offended. She tried to make it up by saying that I wouldn't act like that, having someone over a lot, but who the fuck is she to say? I don't know how I'd act at this point in my life and, well, nothing is more likely to make me angry than someone trying to predict how I would respond to a situation, because more often than not, they are WRONG.
I keep a lot of myself inside, you see. Not so much here, but still, while this is cathartic and more honest, it's not all the way honest. I don't know if I can be all the way honest with anyone but myself.
Um. SNL was pretty good. I don't dislike Ben Affleck as strongly as I once did. Also, Tina Fey is my hero. One of my heroes.
Today meant lots of singalong with my computer-as-jukebox and working on my paper. I bought more Cadbury Mini-Eggs as bait of sorts, rewards for certain amounts of work on the paper, a magnificently delicious Caesar salad from the deli, and a few minor food necessities, since I plan of being out of this town by Wednesday afternoon. The only other thing worth mentioning is that I got distracted sometime this evening and took a break from paper-writing to fix the lock on the bathroom door, which has not worked since we moved in. Even now, it's a tricky little thing, but at least it works. And the trickiness is not of the sort that will leave you locked inside because it's horribly jammed.
[Title: Between the Buttons, The Rolling Stones]
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
