revolution 9

03.04.04 @ 12:14 a.m.

I don't know when I'll get to post this, because I think Bonnie's using the internet right now.

It's been a rather dramatic day. I woke up late this morning, feeling a bit ick in my throat, but no big deal. I felt like I was running really late all morning, but I caught the bus just fine. In fact, I had to stand out in the cold for longer than I expected. I'm not sure if it really was as cold as I felt, but I was freezing. And my ears were kind of bugging me. Ear-nose-and-throat issues, I remember thinking. Great. Otherwise I was mostly okay. I kind of zoned through Italian.

(Side story: Yesterday, we were going over some review and learning the partitive ("some sugar" "a few tomatoes" etc), and the guy who sits next to me (damn, why can I never remember names?) gave two answers to the teacher's question that were just fine, but not exactly what he was looking for. Boy Who Sits Next To Me seemed kind of flustered so I answered. And I said what Enrico wanted to hear (degli amici, I think. BWSNtM said alcuni amici and qualche amico, which are both right, but don't use the 'di' part that Enrico was trying to teach us) so Boy looked at me kind of exasperated. I shrugged and possibly apologized, and we both laughed a little. Anyway, I was pretty amused by the whole thing and when class ended not much later, I was smiling. Stephanie seemed all put out. "Why are you smiling like that? Don't you have to go to Economics next?" I didn't explain until later.)

I got home and wrote a very chatty, casual paper for English, which was such a mistake. I got my STaGN paper back with a comment that I'm too casual in my writing. Pfft. Jerk, most teachers like that my writing isn't overly stilted. Anyway, I went back to the university to turn it in around four, and was freezing, freezing cold at the bus stop. Partly to keep warm and partly because I do like my Tommy James and the Shondells CD, I was moving to the music a little because, hey, I was cold and it's not like there are ever people on my street. I live in a ghost suburb some days. Later I realized a dog was barking at me through a screen door and I hadn't heard because I had the music up loud.

None of this is dramatic, I know. What happened was that I got to school and went up two flights of stairs to turn my paper in. Professor Awesome was in his office, earlier than his hours, but was busy yet again, so I still haven't told him about that magazine. I may have to rely on email after all. And I was being so brave and trying to deal with my serious shyness issues. By the time I got back down to hang out at the library, I was very, very lightheaded. I felt like I imagine losing a pint of blood must feel like. It really freaked me out. More so as it persisted. In addition to being dizzy and feeling like there was no blood in my brain, I was also really, really tired. I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and sleeeeeeep. Eventually I got home and said perhaps a sentence and a half to Ena (who has been trying to convince me to wear these big purple glass drop earrings that I think make me look like a gypsy since she saw them last night and left a note on my door that I didn't see until I got home) and Bonnie. Then I crawled into my bed, shivering, and slept for three hours with the electric blanket almost all the way up. That's really astonishing to me, because I can't bear to be hot when I sleep. I had a bad enough fever that I couldn't take the least bit of cold and apparently needed to sleep in a volcano. So that, on top of a slightly sore throat I woke up with, meant that I was seriously sick. It's 11:41 now and I feel a lot better now that I took an ibuprofen and ate some dinner. Except that I just sneezed and ended up with blood in my mouth from my sinuses. It's nothing that hasn't happened before when I've gotten sick, but it was a little distressing. My throat feels fine, though, now that it's gone. I think it was sticking in my throat or something.

I was going to write an email to my professor about not being able to attend her class tomorrow, but now I'm not so sure I'll be too sick to go. A few hours ago I ached and still had a hideous fever and couldn't bear to be out of my furnace-like room for more than a few minutes to make chicken-flavor ramen for dinner. Now I've had a long nap, called my mom and dad (sounding miserable and feeling just as bad), and read through an entire romance novel. My head aches a bit, but I think I could stand to go to class the way I am now. So do I stay home tomorrow or not? Will I feel like this in the morning or as awful as I did when I woke up at 8? Maybe I should email her and say I hope to be able to come to class but it isn't likely. I really like my Classics professor and I feel bad when I miss her class.

Also: Why the hell am I listening to "Revolution 9"? I fucking hate this "song." God, John and Yoko were pretentious. Then again, I can't remember the last time I ever listened to it all the way through, if ever. I wonder how long it is, since it's already three minutes through. And it's not like it would be hard for me to switch it, I have the remote right here. I guess I'm trying to decide if it weird me out on it's own or if the remains of the fever are making it worse.

Because I get a bit hallucinatory when I have fevers. I remember when I was in third grade and had the chicken pox. I had woken up in the middle of the night and was trying to listen to music to fall back asleep. Eventually my mom found me awake and crying because the music was doing weird things inside my head. Making a line instead of a circle or a circle instead of a line, I can't remember which. And every thing I heard had this sinister under-echo. I can't describe it very well, but I remember vividly. I remember a lot from when I had chicken pox. Dennis Miller still had his late night talk show then, for one thing, because I remember watching the portable tv from bed while he did a routine about naked bungee jumping.

Almost seven minutes in and I'm starting to get a little afraid this song is going to give me nightmares. But I do want to be able to say I listened to it all the way through at least once. I really don't like the song "Tomorrow Never Knows" either, because of the noises that sound like creepy bird laughing to me. Crows or ravens coming to attack you, maliciously happy about it. Oh, thank god, here's Ringo with "Good Night."

And Bill wants the checks tomorrow and I don't know how we're doing it this month. Damnit. I really need the internet to make sure I have enough money in checking for rent and to check my email and such, but I don't really want to kick Bonnie off. And yet, Ena and Bonnie constantly monopolizing the internet (like I'm not just as bad or worse than them) irritates me and seems the most likely source of this illness: I go to the University computer labs so I don't have to compete for internet time, and the keyboards there are fairly gross. The library is about a million times worse, though.

Ultimately, I'd like to know if I'm going to stay feeling, if not healthy, than at least less horribly sick. I haven't finished the reading but I still could go to class. Oh, son of a bitch. We have a paper due on Friday. Maybe I should stay home and work on that, though I'll be skipping Economics no matter what and it wouldn't hurt me to lose two, two and a half hours going to class and coming back. I guess I'll send an apologetic email tomorrow morning if I decide I'm too miserable to go. I'm so indecisive, but I don't want to hurt my grade by not going.

To be or not to be, damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'm just plain bad at making decisions. Also, though I mailed a card out to Martha today (I'm hoping it doesn't end up back with me due to insufficient postage), I'm feeling slightly bad that I have not electronically acknowledged that she's 21 today/yesterday.

["Rev 9" is probably an apt title track, not just because of the rumination on it, but it probably evokes my fever addled mind fairly well today.]

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Previously

fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05