between love and hate
02.05.04 @ 2:21 p.m.
Oh dear god in heaven. The irony. It HURTS me.
Ahem.
Dear Ms. Barnhart:Students in the School of Journalism and Communication are serious competitors. That's why it's a special achievement for them to win a place on the Dean's List.
You've done just that by earning a 3.75 or better in fall term 2003. It places you in the highest echelon of journalism students taking a full course load.
You can be proud of your success. Grading practices in our school are among the toughest on campus. Keep up the good work and please accept my congratulations and those of the faculty.
Sincerely yours,
Blah blah blah
Gee, thanks. I'm leaving you now because I was breaking under the pressure. Actually this means very little. I did well in my Design class and I did love it very much. This reminds me that I need to figure out where the hell the art offices are so I can try to get into the Multimedia Design minor. But Fall, lessee, that's... Design, Rock and Roll History, and Italian. Oh, and Ancient Epic. Looking at my transcript, I see that I got exactly 3.75 as my GPA. Which is slightly funny because the last time I took a moderately difficult Jschool course, I ended up with a 2.1something GPA. I SUCK AT JOURNALISM. Do not be fooled, computer program that probably generated this letter! You do not want me. Really. You don't.
Reckon I better get around to changing my major in the next week or so. I have to register for classes in about twenty days. Also, seeing my major taunt me from my directory entry is distressing.
This morning I looked up a bunch of Glencoe people because I had a dream about going out to buy muffins with several of them. It was odd. Partly because one guy looked like a scary, wizened version of another guy. The stress of school was getting to him. And then I saw Jim F., who was in the dream, walking from his apartment to campus. This I know through the awesome magic of the student directory. Then I looked up Who Boy again for the hell of it, because I'm not already pathetic enough.
Aw, man, I already took my red pen into my bedroom. I was taken with the sudden urge to write "HA HA HA" across this stupid dean's list letter.
Am I being excessively bitter/harsh about this? Well, yes, probably. Will being self aware make me stop or anything? Probably not.
Wanna hear something totally self-delusional? Of course you do! You may or may not remember when I was complaining last term about Giuseppe (Joe, now that we are in Enrico's class and he is not Italianizing our names-I miss being Elena) sitting next to me all the time and being weird and nervous. Unlikely thought it is, I like to pretend that he fancied me. And still does, because last Wednesday it looked like he was totally eavesdropping on Stephanie's and my conversation. And like, kind of looking at me, sideways like. I don't know if I'm pleased by making myself think I'm likable, or annoyed again because I just don't know how to deal with such sitations.*
I'm beginning to suspect that I have mild ADD. I cannot concentrate on anything anymore. Ever. Tonight I need to memorize our skit for Italian AND write a 1000-word paper on how Penelope is or isn't like Pandora. And I want nothing more right now than to crawl into a warm bed and sleep. That, or take an insanely long shower. Either way basically indicates a full retreat into my mind. I think I'll probably go with the shower, then caffinate the hell out of myself to try to at least write an initial draft or notes for the paper before it gets to be evening and I want to watch TV. Thursdays, man! CSI! Also, I only ever watched the first Survivor, and OMG, my favorite three from that are on the All Star Version. (I so knew from the first episodes that it was Rich or Sue. I am a goddess of prediction.)
*My self esteem is not as bad as that paragraph makes it sound. I just make no assumptions. I actually think rather highly of myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with the rest of the world that they don't recongize my splendor. There, now we've got excessive modesty and excessive ego in the same entry. The universe is in harmony again.
[Strokes song! Ooh, I'm so trendy]
Minor edit for where I arsed up some HTML
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
