in a hand or a face
01.06.04 @ 11:03 p.m.
I'm starting to falter, school-wise. The more I dig myself into the journalism major, the more scared I get. I'm fucking terrified right now, with two j-school classes looming large ahead of me. Interviews, fact checking... not fun things for someone as timid as me.
I think I'd like to make friends with this professor, but I have no idea how. I might start sitting in the front (in fact, I think I'll do that tomorrow) or something. I want to ask what it's like to write for music magazines. If he's interviewed anyone particularly cool.
Another thing that's causing this (slightly scattered) panic was my discussion with a guy in my Italian class this afternoon. I was chatting with him and Natalie (I don't know his name) before class and mentioned my light worship of Ben Saunders. He took a class from him and told me he's on sabbatical right now (oh, heartbreak, hah hah) but will be back in spring. He's a bit pretentious (the guy, not Prof. S), being an English major and all, and no offense, Slavik, but he very slightly reminds me of you. He did manage to piss me off a little today when he asked my major and when I said, "Journalism," he said, "Oh, one of them." Hey, fuck you, buddy, if you're going to use that condescending voice on me. Also prententious that he dropped reference to his novel during Italian. He was sitting next to me and I almost inquired after it, writing fiction myself. Except that I write total crap for my own entertainment of late (as I did all through Economics this afternoon, muahaha).
One of them. I don't know if I even want to be one of them any more, especially the way the media are going in this administration. But then, if I find some way to write fluffy magazine things, I won't have to sell my soul. Or the independent newsmedia or a respected source like NPR. (Thing I Learned As A Journalism Student: 'Media' is plural, hence using 'are' instead of 'is.')
I hate having these little crises. They make me even more tense than just school makes me. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I will leave you with my time kill from while I was doing my Italian homework. Bonus points if you know what I'm trying to translate in my ungrammatical and possibly badly spelled Italian.
Mi sento smarrito nel supermercato
Non posso fare acquisti con gioia
Sono andata al questo negozio per un offerto speciale:
Una personalit� garantita.
[Title ties to the entry I wrote earlier today. I write too much lately.]
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
