i just don't know what to do with myself
06.04.03 @ 7:57 p.m.
Okay, well, quite honesty I feel pretty awful. My head aches like crazy, it feels tick and I almost feel like I'm sick. But I don't think that I am.
Last night I stayed up all night working my project. I greeted the dawn:
"Oh fuck," I said. "The sun"
"Damn," the sun said disdainfully, peeking over Hamilton Complex to shine in my eyes. "You look like hell."
I'm choosing to ignore the 45 minute nap I took this morning and say that I was up for 30 hours today. At four thirty, I eventually gave in and went to sleep. E* woke me up, or at least saw me kind of wake up and advised I stay that way. I think part of it was suggestion that I go get some food before the regular hot food section of Grab and Go closes. Too late now. And I wasn't at all hungry until right now.
My body, I think, is hounding me for caffine. It scares me how responsive I am to caffine addiction. I partly blame the fact that I've been buying Pepsi at night specifically to keep me up working on the project.
Which, by the way, I never want to talk about, ever again. I ripped up all the little charts I made in the last few days to help me get done. I have a very bad feeling about it. I'm concerned that I'm going to fail because I ran out of time and my essay portion is just too short. It's really horrible. I want to actually apologise to my GTF it's so bad.
But as I said, I really don't want to think about it.
I probably could have stayed awake longer if I hadn't gone to Astronomy. It put me in a somnolent state. (I find it interesting that the more dazed I feel, the more poet I seem to get.) And I walked to the library when I got back from that class to return some books of mine and some books of E*'s. I thought I saw Gorgeous Punk Boy from the Greyhound, but when I passed the guy coming back from the library I realized he was far too short. Then I watched two episodes of M*A*S*H where Radar goes home in a vacant stupor. I swear E* was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I woke up, which doesn't sound weird unless you know that neither she nor I have ever watched that before. It seems out of character.
My head hurts like crazy an it did a bit before I went to sleep, but at least now my eyes don't feel like they're made of sand.
Okay, I think I've run out of things to say. Except today has seen me wearing three different shirts: Shirt from yesterday, which I wore during my marathon work night; shirt I changed into really quick before running out, getting the stupid stack of papers bound (hey, comb binding at the EMU copy center, less than a dollar. Rock.) and rushing to class sans shower. So of course they make us all stay and watch everyone ceremoniously turn the goddamn thing in, when all I want is to flee to my room for a shower and some sleep. And now I'm wearing my Who Union Jack photo baseball shirt. And I am comfortable. Except for the headache. I have *got* to take something, now.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
