helpless dancer
05.14.03 @ 3:54 p.m.
My desire to work on "Rael" or whatever doesn't mean I don't have other writing to work on. I produced two pages on a little story called "I Can't Reach You" in the course of Astronomy and Infohell.
I'm worried now about Infohell. I wasn't really, until I started talking to two people who are on their second time around. Yikes. I don't want to take this again, I really don't. Which means I need to email my old Chemistry teacher so I can figure out a good day to interview her. And this weekend will have to be spend working on the project, definately. I guess it's a good thing that the upcoming Willamette Folk Festival won't be too much of a temptation. No Tibetans this year, either. I need to go through all the products of my last trip to the library and work out what I still need to get to finish out my research and start synthesizing my arguments.
It's 4 already and I haven't done much of anything, but that is mitigated by the fact that I only got out of class at 3. And luckily, my next Philosophy paper has been bumped back to Monday rather than being due Friday. I have too much riding on this Friday already with the outline draft due. Santo cielo, I'm getting so stressed about the term ending.
On a completely different note, I asked Slavik a hypothetical question about posers, and I'm kind of surprised that he hasn't shown any curiosity about who I was referring to. Admirable restraint, or shocking lack of natural curiosity? You never know with Slavik.
I have to admit that I'm becoming charmed by the boy again. It's like this cycle, talk to Slavik every three months, get a mad crush on him every six. He's too fucking charming by half, and he doesn't even do anything to making himself so. I wonder why I'm so suceptible to him. Maybe because he's one of the few heterosexual males I talk to frequently, just about my only good friend who isn't female or gay. I really should make some kind of effort, eh? I mean towards coming out of my shell, not toward Slavik. That's... not an endeavor I think I'm willing to make. At any rate, even when I'm not all girly about him, he holds a similar position to Martha--just someone whom I love to talk to about just about anything. Mostly music, though.
I half want to tell him that Moni told me to convince him to a) visit "us" (me and Moni) or b) transfer to UO. Yeah, I have that kind of power. And why the hell would anyone want to hang out with me and Moni? Moni and I don't even hang out with each other. (Though I flatter myself thinking I have more in common with him than she does.)
This is not a road I really want to continue down. For one thing, I'd just be talking myself into really liking him and then... I'd probably freeze up and stop talking to him. Mostly I just AIM-stalk him anyway. That's my term for boredly reading everyone's away messages and profiles ALL THE TIME. Fortunately, I'm not even close to being the only person that does it.
Aaah, Beatles-attack. I want to practice guitar for a while. Maybe I'll make myself semi-productive by looking at my Italian homework or reading some Infohell articles at the same time? As if such a thing is possible.... I'm just inflicting more stress on myself by not working all the time. Fuck.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
