why should i have to run with the crowd of kids who hardly notice i'm around...?
05.12.03 @ 4:50 p.m.
Well. We are prepping for house hunting, and I called a realty place this afternoon. This kind of takes the heat off me for going out and looking TOMORROW because none of the places we were looking at via that realtor are available to look at until the end of the week. Meh heh heh. My half of the duties are done. More than my half, 'cause I went through every listing on that page we were considering. So next time E* has to call people.
I am so socially phobic, I should not be so stoked about not having to make phone calls.
I'm also half wondering if it's okay for me to go pee now. They were shutting off the water to work on something today and, er, I don't know if they're done. Of course, I could run out and catch the bus and wait until I get to the actual mall. See, I think I need to go to Target soon and today seems as good as any. The only class I need to prepare for is Italian, really, though I should be making some major inroads with Infohell if I don't want to be taking it again. *growl* Stupid class. I need to figure out some more interviews; I'm wondering if I should contact this Labor-Resource thingamy my mom was telling me about. I hate talking to people, I really do.
So, on the poser-front, people are bound and determined to be reasonable at me... I don't know if I can handle that. Martha says that Andrew thinks that poser-friend feels left out when she and I talk music of late. Damnit, I don't WANT any more music friends, really. I have so many people for so many specific artists. Candace has the Who/Townshend front covered merely by mutual diary reading (plus there's Liz, but she's on summer hiatus... she's good for all classic rock, especially the Rolling Stones), Martha and I talk about punk, pre-punk, the Strokes, and other artists who amuse us or whatever. Slavik and I talk about guitar and Fastball, but mostly the Beatles. Jessica deals in psychedelia, folk rock, etc. etc. Rachel is obsession-sympathetic. I don't see any major gaps, and when I have other people who are true, knowledgable fans, why would I want to talk to someone who doesn't really know what's what? I'm a snob, maybe. I have high standards for my music friends and I just don't see poser-friend living up to those standards. Oh, she can run on high levels of obsession (anything to do with Cher, really), but... I have to admit I find her taste severely lacking and so I must doubt the genuine nature of her behavior lately.
And I'm probably a hypocrite, because my image is undergoing minor revolution, too. I'm changing who I am, just a little.
Am I upset because I see her consciously changing that image through imitation? My changing my image is not a decision I made. Rock History opened doors and now I want to see what's on the other side. She likes Sid Vicious' je ne se quois, and by taking that image into her own outward shows (which are at times bemusingly eclectic), I think that declares an affinity that hasn't had a chance to grow yet. I like the two Sex Pistols songs I know, but until I find a copy of Never Mind the Bollocks and decide I really like it, I don't think I'm going to be declaring my love for the Sex Pistols. There's an interest there, sure, but... And maybe if you're a huge pop-culture junkie like Martha, who slots Sid into her vague affection for heroin culture (funny, 'cause we're all so straightedge), it makes sense. But when tastes run to Cher and Madonna and Wonderwoman and ST:TNG fandom (and a rather odd obsession with Counselor Troi), well, the sudden diving into sk8erdom and punk affinities seems really odd and contrived.
I guess I hate the idea of loving things because society thinks that you should. Like wearing a bunch of He-Man shit. And the Goonies. Okay, maybe the problem there is that I have no nostalgia for these things. I think I was too young for He-Man and I just don't like the Goonies. I'm supposed to, because of my age (20) and even more so because it was filmed on the Oregon coast. Maybe I spent too much of my childhood detatched from pop culture. But I don't remember a lot of things marketed at me. I remember my siblings liking Cabbage Patch, Strawberry Shortcake, etc. But I don't. I was too young. I don't pretend otherwise.
Too much analysis. Far too much. It's not like I hate her, either. I could probably talk myself into hating her without much problem right now, but I'm just annoyed. And defensive of the fragile new additions to my personality.
And terribly biased. I wonder when that all happened? Maybe I'm just afraid she'll become another Moni and all the residual anger is boiling up again.
I don't know. I don't know if I want to know.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
