liar liar liar liar

03.07.03 @ 3:46 p.m.

Hello, world, I'm a fucking liar.

I am totally infatuated with Who Boy and have really just managed to make matters worse for myself by getting really very nervous. (Angst delivery? Oh, yes, I'll sign for it... just put it right there...)

Twenty years of life and very little experience with members of the opposite sex. Or rather, straight members of the opposite sex. I have quite a good friend who is gay, and I used to have straight male friends, usually people I had crushes on, but not for the last year and a half. And I'm getting advice that I don't know if I can follow. All that pride in coming out of my shell to even talk to this guy once and I can feel myself wanting to clam up immediately.

I think that this is harder for me than you can imagine. My god, this weekend is going to be torture. I won't see him until Tuesday, and I'm not sure I can find an opportunity to talk to him then. Thursday we have a test, which means everyone leaves at different times, so there's no guarentee I'll be able to talk to him then, either.

I'm not soliciting advice, I've had enough of that, I think. That doesn't mean I know what to do with myself, but... oh, I don't know what I want to say. I wish I could put it all out of my mind, but there's a very strong feeling that this is a somewhat important thing to be dealing with, considering who I am and how I act around people. And I can't help kicking myself for not doing something sooner. Now I've got the impetous of limited time to make me desperate. I'm pretty determined to introduce myself at the very least, but I have a bad feeling I'll chicken out, which leaves me with a lot of people asking "So what happened with Who Boy, then?!"

Arrrrrrggggggghhhhhh.....

Why do I do this to myself?

<< � >>

Previously

fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05