we're not gonna take it
12.30.02 @ 10:31 p.m.
I fucking hate my father on nights like tonight. And today started out so well with him! He returned a CD he had bought for me that I already had (silly of him to think that there was a Monkees CD in existance that I did not already have) and in exchange bought the albums My Generation and A Quick One, both by the Who. I'm still reveling in Tommy, myself.
What bothers me the most is not the fact that if I had not subverted him, he'd be tying up the computer all night (and will continue to preclude any computer use once I am done with my emailing (and I include diaryland under this category because if he does know of the existance of Daily Nightly (so very important to me, precious to me, and must remain private to retain it's cathartic value), he doesn't know it's location. What bothers me is his increasing use of alcohol. Hardly a night goes by where he's not at least a little inebriated. Bastard. If he had any sense, he wouldn't drink at all. His mother is a raging alcoholic, though by 'raging' I mean she just gets manipulative and stupid. Dad gets sullen and almost belligerent. The worst was the night before Thanksgiving where he persisted in trying to argue religious matters with me, which is proof of his alcohol induced stupidity, because you'd be hard pressed to find a person less interested in religion than myself. All this disgust with his behavior is making me ever more resolved to stick to my stance that alcohol is not for me. Hell, if it weren't for caffine, I could probably be straight-edge. I have a sort of arrogant distain for 'substances' (and I say arrogant because I know that I see myself as too good and too proud to be interested in alcohol or any sort of drug--I'm such an elitist priss) and I get by just fine. Besides, there's evidence of alcoholism on both sides of my family, and why on earth would I even risk it? People are fucking unpleasant when they drink. (This might be some of the appeal that Tommy has for me--"We're Not Gonna Take It" says you won't reach enlightenment through chemical means... I understand Pete Townshend eschewed psychedellic drugs as a songwriter, and more power to 'im!)
I want to cry. I just do. I'm so angry with my dad for being so stupid so consistantly. I want to cry because the music moves me so much, it's so beautiful and wonderful; because I'm lonely; because I'm so passionate about certain principles in my life and almost any exertion of emotion makes me want to cry.
I got pissy a while back and removed Fadein from my list of favorites because the pretend fight between him and Johnny was so fucking boring. I didn't think it was dramatic or interesting, it was a fine display of childish stupidity and not worth my goddamn time. I also wrote a guestbook entry telling him "Joke or not, you're doing a fantastic job of being a total asshole, which isn't any fun to read. Say goodbye to a reader," and promptly took him off my list. Poor Bill, his little experiment didn't go the way he wanted. Well, frankly, it wasn't just the argument. Fadein hasn't been very interesting for a while, and he just gave me a good excuse to drop him from the list. Apparently six or seven other also dropped him from their lists. And yet, I feel no pity. It's all his own doing.
I suppose I better go so I can finish the fic I was reading when Dad came up, reeking of alcohol and demanding that I start burning CDs for him. Fuck him. If he's going to leave the computer idle for more than ten or fifteen minutes, I'm going to claim it. I wish with all my heart that my laptop would access the internet from home and that I didn't have to shell out $80 for a new power adapter after my dog destroyed the old one.
Don't get me started on my dad and his desire to play mad scientist and try to fix the adapter himself. I did not pay $1,500 to let him void my warrenty and burn out my computer by fucking around with electricity!
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
