two amusing things and a big wad of angry catharsis
12.06.02 @ 1:03 p.m.
A few things:
1. Go read Adam Felber's Fanatical Apathy today... I am very much intriuged by his scoop on the exclusion of Princess Jasmine from the Disney holiday princess tree thing.
2. You know how Heather and Paul McCartney are essentially inseperable? Everywhere he goes, he takes the new wife. Well, we can see the extremes this goes to -- Last night I had a dream about Paul and Heather was there, too. So was my mom. The four of us were hanging out at a mall that reminds me of Portland's Washington Square Mall. He was really nice and really cool, even if I don't remember anything he said. I do remember that I said something about trying to be polite by not touching him and he laughed. I said goodbye to him at one point and Mom and I went up a different escalator than Paul and Heather, but when we all got to the top I went back to him and asked for a hug or something. It was kind of cool. And that's probably when I woke up.
3. Last night E* pressed me to talk to her by making some assumptions about my personality and my connection to my friends which ended up forcing up enough emotions that I started crying, for which I hate myself and I'm really pissed off at her. Why the fuck does she need to know what I'm thinking? It's none of her goddamn business how I connect with my friends. Fuck her. I'm so mad that she sent me into this depressingly analytical view of my connections with other people which has just left me feeling lonely and awful at the most stressful time of the school year. Couldn't she have left well enough alone? No, she has to TALK ABOUT ME TO HER FUCKING FRIEND NATALIE. I'm really offended. If I choose to be a loner that's my own business. Because I can be satisfied with my own company doesn't mean I don't have close friends that I value or want friendships. Then she had the utter gall to say something about how it should be easy enough to change from being as shy as I am.
What the fuck is that? Has she ever tried to change her entire personality? Reevaluate and remodel herself? No, she says, she has not. Then how the fuck can she make assumptions about how hard it is? How can she even presume to know how hard it is for me to make overtures and try to be a more outgoing person? Easier fucking said than done and I'm so insulted that she would make such a presumption.
Fuck. Fuck. Now I'm crying again. I don't need this. See, this is one of the reasons I have this diary. I just need a cathartic place because I'm so reserved, if I don't get it out somewhere it'll just keep it all locked up.
And she was all happy that I had 'opened up' to her. Fuck her. See if I do that again. She has no right to demand that kind of emotion from me.
Maybe I'm arrogant, but I prefer my own company to most anyone else's. *sigh* This is how people start thinking I'm an arrogant, superior bitch because I just don't talk unless I really have something particular to say.
Now I have to wait until I look like a normal human being again before venturing out to get some lunch or whatever. I was thinking of calling Kinkos to see about printing out my NaNovel and getting it bound, but I don't know that I have the energy this afternoon to pursue all that.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
