ruminations on jessi
11.09.02 @ 11:53 a.m.
I know that the yahoogroup that my friends and I use to keep in touch is Page and Moni's creation. They have the right to do whatever they please with it. It just seems odd to me that Jessi's friend Jason was recently added when most of us don't know him. Or maybe it's just me that doesn't, I don't know. I consider the core group to be me, Andrew, Amy, Martha, and Moni. Even then, I tend to feel like I'm on the periphery still since they still forget about me more than I'd like. Last year they had Martha and Pam visit them in Corvallis and they didn't even fucking tell me until after the fact. I was feeling desperately lonely for my friends then and it was just a twist of the knife to hear that they all got together and totally forgot about me. But that was last year and I've made my peace with that. I think it's odd that Jessi's friend (whom I found enormously creepy) is on our yahoogroup. What does he care about the rest of us? Hell, Jessi's gone and removed herself, or at least she says she has. I don't feel any pain. I never liked Jessi very much.
In the eighth grade I sat next to her in art class, mainly for lack of anyone else to sit by. I mostly wanted to be near my friend Marsella. Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to her. I liked her a lot. I digress. Jessi's hair was really short with two really long forelocks. I think this was before the breakout popularity of anime. Maybe not, maybe I'm just confronted with it more now that my friends are in their late teens and early twenties, seeming a very fertile time for anime obsession. Sweet mother of god do I hate anime. With a burning passion. Anyway. Jessi used to tell me fucked up things about how she was really a dragon in human form. I put up with it pretty well, I thought, and never really said anything about it. Her family was really poor and she always reeked of cigarette smoke. When she left high school she had this one tooth that was mostly gone decayed and it just... ugh. I can't think of words to describe how much that horrified me. She and Paige were always really close and kind of similar personalites, though Paige had more of an ability to make friends with normal people. I used to really like Paige until recently. It's kind of falling off, atrophied like my friendship with Jo. In Junior High, I bought a fancy rat, a siamese, from Jess. I liked her well enough as a pet. Her family had so many animals, though, that it felt... dirty. I mean, yeah, we have a lot of animals, too, but we live on a FARM, not in a tiny, tiny house in the suburbs.
Jessi was also a cutter, which I never understood and doubt I ever will. The point of all this is that the loss of Jessi's friendship, which I sort of doubt I ever had, is no great loss to me. She was kind of just tolerated, which sounds so callous of me, but I tried to be her friend, there just wasn't the connection there. And now that she's so distainful of the rest of us who don't conform to her little social sideshow that as far as I'm concerned, she can go and be happy--I don't want to deal with her again.
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I wrote so much yesterday. I think I wrote almost 4,000 words. I'm really proud of myself. I'm letting myself gloss over some time in the plot which I was hesitant to do before because, damn, I need 50,000 words worth of stuff. I'm at 11,500. Go me. I'm almost caught up to my quota, which I've fallen so far behind on. I think today I might find some little hidey hole to write in, but I'm also contemplating a trip to Target. Good ol' Target. I need razors and videotapes and I'm considering prebuying some Harry Potter tickets. I wish I were going home that weekend. I'd rather go see it with my parents than by myself, and I don't know if I want to go with other people here. I might yet. There's also the temptation to try and get tickets that are economy-cheap. I hate paying more than $5 for a movie. 'Tis highway robbery, arrrghhh. Whoa. I went pirate there for a minute. Cool.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
