sick and panicky
10.08.02 @ 5:17 p.m.
I skipped Italian this morning because I absolutely felt like shit. I thought maybe it was stress, but I'm still feeling kind of blah. I suppose I should explain further.
With my mad skillz, I just about fucked up my financial aid for school. Yes, I failed to aquire documents, let alone turn them in, and apparently I concealed a promisory note from my parents. I can honestly say I have no idea what form my parents claim to have found. Nothing comes to mind except a cover sheet for a form that I have here at school. At any rate, last night I got an email from my parents saying, uh, they didn't quite have enough money to cover the check they gave me and would I mind very much if I very nearly emptied my own bank account because I knew I had just barely enough. Fine, I think. I shall tear this useless check from my parents up so nothing happens to it (I do try to learn from the mistakes of my brother who made a mess with checks that weren't his as a teenager) and dump the check confetti in the trash. No problem.
Bright and early at 8-something a.m. (I get up at 8:30, so I was still cherishing the last precious moments of sleep) my dad calls. Oh, we put a thousand dollars from this other account in our checking, so the check we gave you should be just fine. Sorry.
Fuck. Sorry. I tore the check up already, Dad.
Oh. Can I call and give them my bank card number?
No, no, I'll just write a check for now.
Damn. So I don't have any money anymore. With any luck, the mess will be all worked out by next month and I can ask for a rebate on what I already paid. That's what they tell me up in the financial aid office. But that's not the point.
The point is, as soon as I got up to pick up the phone (we were screening with the answering machine), I had to fight off this horrible wave of naseua. I laid around in bed until 11 trying not to feel sick but feeling awful whenever I thought about the check situation and financial aid, so I tried to make my brain fanfic-y. No good. Still felt like crap. Haven't been hungry. I didn't eat a thing except a piece of string cheese until 3, when I ate half a plate of stir fry from the new grill place in the food services area. I couldn't finish it, I started feeling completely ill halfway through. Before that I was getting ready for yoga and broke out in a sweat for no apparent reason. It wasn't hot out. I had been sweating while on the phone, too. I'm worried about my health right now. I'm also thinking of all the sugary crap I ate in the last couple of days and being paranoid that I've developed diabetes. Damn Dad for always trying to throw a scare into me. You know, I've been feeling on and off ill ever since Saturday, when the parentals were in town for the Dylan concert and took me to dinner. I had been feeling sugar sick at dinner while I tried to drink my Pepsi.
I've been trying to avoid sugar at all costs the last couple of days, but I went and bought cran-grape juice (which tasted sugary even if there is none added, there's the fruit sugars) and I mindlessly bought a Pepsi to drink with my stir fry. Damn. I barely drank a third of it, too, which seems like such a waste. I should have saved that plate of stir fry. (I should mention that Stir fry was my attempt at eating better. I've avoided the burger place and, for the most part, Grab n Go, except that I bought a bunch of candy last week and chocolate muffins and I just need to reign myself in. I also need to get up the courage to start working out at the Rec. I have yoga twice a week, sure, and it felt very nice indeed to stretch out some of the ways we did today, but I really think I need to start exercising, and my preference right now would be an excercise bike. I don't like running because bits of my anatomy tend to bounce around which is just unpleasant. I can tell I've gained weight. My pants all feel too small and I just feel horrid.
Enough body issue crap for now. I'm just making myself feel bad. The main thing is that I just need to break my sedentary habits. *sigh*
Ooh, ooh, I also just want to mention that I got a search engine hit off 'nezjr'... Who other than me would use such a term? I am, in fact, one of only two hits and the other one was about Mike Nesmith's band. (If you must know, Nezjr was hot Garrett's code name for a while.)
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
