ruminating on memories of my sister
07.30.02 @ 12:57 a.m.
I'm reading Be Sweet by Roy Blount, Jr. (who is a very nice man in that he emailed me back once with a query about something he said on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me) and thinking about memories. It's damn silly of me to be writing at nearly one in the morning, but I'm nothing if not irrational. (That was a joke, I'm actually very rational most of the time, to the detriment of my social development--I refuse to make an ass of myself, at least knowingly.)
Anyway, like I said, I was thinking about memories, and one popped out at me. My sister, well, my half-sister, Joanne. Once, when I was a little girl and she was a teenager, she asked me to come into the back room of our house (a narrow little storage room with exposed insulation and beams) to give her my opinion. She was standing there in her underwear (haha, that rhymes--wait, I hate rhyming unintentionally, 'cause it sounds like I'm trying) in front of a full length mirror. She thrust out her stomach and said "Do I look pregnant?" What the hell kind of question is that to spring on your little, innocent sister who happens to be a good 7 years younger than you? Do I look pregnant? That stuck with me for a while. Made me wonder if my sister thought she might be pregnant, or was just pondering her appearance.
I remember another thing about 'Wannie from when I was little. We shared a room (when she was staying with us, which wasn't that often, really) and we had a bunk bed. I remember sleeping with her one night and the feel of the stubble on her legs. I think I was scared of something, but I don't know what. Speaking of sleeping in my sister's bed, I have another weird thing--before the bunk bed, which we got when I was quite young because I didn't have a bed before that, I used to sleep in Joannie's bed when she was at her mother's house. Once I felt what seemed to be a button in bed with me, woke up, and fished it out. It was a tooth. EEEWWW!
My sister is in Oakland now, and I hate to say that I don't miss her. Hell, I see her just as often now as I did when she lived in Portland near us. We were never close. I haven't seen my brother since his ill advised wedding and even though I always felt closer to him than to Joanne, I know he'll hurt me more. He always does. Not showing up for birthdays (I don't know if I can remember the last time my brother came to my birthday), not showing up for other things, NOT TELLING ME HE FUCKING GOT MARRIED AGAIN, he's such a neglegent asshole and he doesn't realize that I really want to see him. And how am I supposed to hang out with him now? He's married to this frighteningly reserved woman who I barely know at all (I had aquaintances in Eugene that I know better than I know Julia) and to top it all off, I get the impression that she doesn't like our family and would just as soon not associate with us. By 'our family' I mean the people connected to Dad. By all reports, she likes Gennie, Dad's ex. I don't know what to make of any of it, but now I'm crying all over the place and I feel like an idiot and I think it's time for me to go to bed and forget all this.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
