angst? in diaryland? you must be joking!
07.26.02 @ 12:44 a.m.
782 diaryland members have 'The Calling' listed as a favorite band. Wow.
And here I just went to see them on a whim... for free. My mom had an extra vendor pass to the Washington County Fair, and they didn't charge extra for the concert bit (which they've done in the past).
They were good. I had a fairly good time tonight, though a lot of the time was spent contemplating roadie facial hair. And watching the changing of guitars. I'm sure there was something else that was comical to my twistedly cynical little mind, but offhand, I don't remember. Except of course the weird perpetual motion ball thingy that a church had up as some kind of freakish visual aid to the condition of your immortal soul. And it had a bigass wooden cross in the middle. Points for subtlety, guys.
I wandered out onto the midway and promply got horrendously depressed. I kept thinking how much fun I could be having... if I weren't walking by myself. If I weren't pathetically alone. If I had time (and money, I only had $5 on me) I could be having a great time. I'd be riding the centerfuge thing and the Materhorn and all those other bizarrely named rides and having a good time, if I weren't strolling around alone, lost in my own thoughts like the introspection scene in some pathetic romantic comedy, you know, when the couple splits up or some chance is missed, and one person wanders about alone thinking and slowly realizing what an empty husk of a person they are without their other half? Yeah, like that.
And maybe I'd suggest to Jo that we go and check it out, but then I realized that she'd invite her boyfriend and it would be THIRD WHEEL TIME, which is something I just really hate. I'm not going to subject myself to that if I can possibly avoid it.
Speaking of my crippling emotional problems and personality defects (she said in a surprisingly cheery voice, hoping that people realize she's kidding at least a little bit)... I'm more inclined to believe the little testlet that told me that I was a 5 on the enneagram (even though I don't believe in it, really) instead of a nine partly out of spite toward my father, who is CONSTANTLY telling me that I have the exact same personality as he does (good god, I hope not) and that we are 9s. Fuck that. I picked up one of his little books and five suits me just as well.
Of course, the final straw, the thing that really outraged me was that he had the absolute gall to start analyzing my idols, about whom he really knows nothing. He tried to analyze Mike. Okay, I can be opinionated and analytical of the Monkees, especially Mike because I know almost every particular that a fan can come by. I have the basic facts well in hand. Dad has a few little bits of second (probably third, I'm just getting it from books and things) hand information, and that just pisses me off.
Anyway, what got me on this thought is that Dad has a book of affirmations and things to 'correct' the flaws that define each personality type, like bringing the five into the real world and out of their little mentally constructed worlds. I totally live in my own head. And I'm kind of sick of it. I want to be a social person and I don't even fucking know where to start.
Well, that was "Angst Hour," tune in next time when we bemoan Ellen's stunted social development in relation to her inherent shyness. And her inability to spell, not that she cares much about that. Good night, and good luck getting over your own weird insecurities.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
