behind every cloud there's usually rain
07.16.02 @ 2:16 p.m.
It drives me absolutely fucking crazy that my dad walks around ALL DAY in just a pair of shorts. I really really want to say "It's not that hot out, put on some damn clothes" but I lack the courage and I don't think he'd listen to me. It's revolting. And just after I finished eating lunch, he put his nasty bare feet on the KITCHEN TABLE. Dude, we EAT there. Don't. There are so many things about my dad that bother me. I can't even begin. And now he and Mom are ganging up to nag me about applying to work at Regal Cinemas. I don't want to fill out another fucking application. It's so stressful, I've done it so much already this summer that I just don't want to anymore. No on wants to hire me, can we accept that yet? And the more I get nagged about it, the less I want to do it and I long ago reached the point where every reminder to fill out some fucking application makes me want to tear it up in little pieces and bury it in the yard. I've already lied about calling people to inquire after my application. I'm sick to death of the whole thing. I'm starting to wonder if I can still get through that PGE stuff Jo's mom sent me and be a flagger for road construction. It'd pay well and I wouldn't have to do much, and dammit, it would get them off my back. The economy is fucking terrible, and no one wants to hire someone who's going back to Eugene in a couple of months. Live with it. I'm going to actually try to get a campus job when I get back to school, or at least that's what I'm thinking now. Once I get to school, I won't want to anymore.
And it's not that I'm just lazy or that I don't want to venture out into the world... I'm just sick to death of the stress and annoyance of applying for things when I KNOW I'm not going to get hired. The last time I went through this whole ordeal (and with my mother CONSTANTLY nagging me, ordeal is a very proper word for it) the girl was very rude to me.
My throat hurts from trying not to be an idiot and start crying, but I'm angry and frustrated, which, apart from the inexplicable burst of emotion I've been getting at movie theaters during the previews, are the only times I want to cry. Sad books sometimes make me cry, but nine times out of ten, I'm angry. I'm angry at the whole damn world. Nothing in my life is going right. It's not my fault that I can't get a job and yet I'm constantly harassed by my parents. My dad goes and blames me for the computer breaking. My laptop still won't work, no matter what I do, and my mom is mad that I can't fix it through tech support because she doesn't want to pay to have someone actually look at the fucking thing. I seriously doubt it's something that can be solved over the phone. The guy I talked to last had never heard of such a thing happening. Oh, and don't forget to add into the mix that "my" car is unfixable, so I have nothing to learn to drive on, because the van and the '76 BMW are too tempermental for a learner. Fuck it all.
When all is said and done, I feel like I'm having a pretty lousy summer. We'll see how things go, I guess, but I'm not optimistic.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
