don't panic
01.13.04 @ 10:41 p.m.
We watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone tonight. After ordering pizza. I'm so full. It's like a Friday but it's only Tuesday! Up is down! Down is up!
And I haven't done any homework in two days, wooooo....
I'm in such deep shit come Friday, as I need to have four annotations. I think four. I need to hang in the library some. I'm so irresponsible. I'm also so thirsty. And yet, I'm really full and can't imagine drinking anything.
Anyway. I scanned some things in the Brainerd lab (it felt like home after spending so much of last term there) and came back from campus with Ena. After a little while, we went to the grocery store because I ran out of cereal and I wanted to finally use one of the 'Free box of H�agen-Dazs Bars' cupons I have. (I have the best Mom ever--She entered some contest with them and they sent her the cupons, then she gave them to me.) We looked into watching a movie, but decided not to when we couldn't think of anything. It wasn't until well after we got back that we remembered that Ena wants to finally see the first LotR movie. Heh, whoops. We watched HP instead because she'd never seen that, either. And it's been a while since I have.
So there went my day with little accomplished. I have a feeling I had something more important to say, but as of right now I can't remember it at all.
Gah! Scarlett Johansson (sp?) is going to pimp Girl With the Pearl Earring on Leno tonight! I'm dying to see that movie. Not only is Colin Firth on my celebrity husband list (you know we all have them, under different names--except Ena*) but it was a bloody good book.
*That's right, I was talking to Ena on the bus and we were discussing her lack of Pop Culture education. She feels like she is not only unaware of American pop culture, but also that of Taiwan. Somehow she lives happily without absorbing the things that we all reference without thinking and gets them only after they've been explained. The whole conversation came about when she asked something about the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. Except I think she couldn't exactly remember the name, because I supplied it. I went on to explain the books of Douglas Adams. Remember that prophet who showed up at the restaurant? And the cow that recommended it's tastiest bits? Oh, Doug Adams. You are sorely missed! D'you know, I have the Get Fuzzy strip commemorating his death in one of my photo albums. I think perhaps the time has come for a rereading of the HHGTTG series. And if you do not understand that acronym, you are not geek enough. Shame on you. More shame on me because Zaphod Beeblebrox is the only character name I can remember clearly. Must... read...
(Alas, the books are 120 miles away.)
:edit:
So I just wrote all this not more than 15-30 minutes ago and now I'm crying and just in a state of complete breakdown. I hate what I'm doing, I hate it so much. I want to quit, I want to be an English major (god knows what I'd do with that, but what the hell) because I just can't handle this. Journalism is too hard. I can't interview people. I can't work under these kind of deadlines. I hate myself and I hate everything I'm going to be required to do this term. To take literature courses would be a dream, a goddamn dream. The love of writing isn't enough to get me through all this pain and horror. The prospect of design and photography might make it worthwhile, but right now it doesn't seem like enough to make these things worth it. And maybe I'm just having a panic attack. But I've been having them a lot lately and it has me very concerned. I have to do all these interviews and I don't know anyone. I'm not comfortable approaching people I don't know. So how am I supposed to make a career out of that?
Oh god, oh god, what am I going to do? I'm so upset right now that I'm kind of scaring myself. I want to talk to my mom so desperately, even just leave a messaeg for my parents but I'm afraid of making them angry by calling so late at night. Can I do an English major and take a minor in journalism? This is just maybe the most unhappy I've ever been with my life, and that doesn't bode well for my future. Hopefully this is just a brief captured moment of sheer terror and not something worth worrying about, but I can't be sure of that yet. Now the title is painfully ironic.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
