have you seen your mother, baby?
05.06.03 @ 4:21 p.m.
I don't know if I'm being incredibly selfish or not. My consolation is that Martha will probably agree with me.
I know I've written that Martha and I are having issues with a friend we are finding very poserly lately. It annoys us, Martha probably because she's a genuine pop culture buff and can has a Darcy-ish distain for any sort of disguise in someone's personality. Me probably because I happily admit that there's a lot I don't know culture-wise and what I do know and love seems that much more genuine to me.
You know, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Poser-friend is seemingly following me down the alleyways of punk. Now, see, I have been developing an increasing fondness for old school punk for a few months now as part of my giddy embrace of the joy of music. Punk seems a natural extention of the Who-love that has been maturing nicely. As my tastes grow and mature a fondness for angry-young-man music seems to be emerging. And I feel like Martha is opening doors to me by giving me new music... when someone can so accurately judge your taste and give you an album that you quickly love, then you have a good, naturally evolved taste in music. Shit comes out of left field when it comes to this friend, whose name, for now I will tactfully not mention out of low grade paranoia. Not that I won't be giving it away completely.
I'm not sure if I remember when it started. I guess when I went out to the movies with Martha and we got to talking. The week before I had gone shopping with our friend and I noticed that she had a Strokes pin on her bag. "I didn't know you like the Strokes," I say, a bit shocked. Frankly, I didn't think she was a fan of theirs or even aware of their music, apart from the 'having a stroke' jokes that Martha and I occasionally make. She said she wasn't a fan, she just liked the pin, which said "Is This It?" in reference, naturally, to their album title. The fact that this pin wars with a Black Sabbath button, a Cher button, and, inexplicably, a union jack pin on her bag just makes me kind of perplexed. Pins and buttons (terms which I am using interchangably) make a statement--Isn't that what they're for? What kind of statement is her odd mix supposed to portray? At any rate, I don't think she's any sort of Black Sabbath fan. Yeah, she likes Sharon Osbourne, but Ozzy? Ozzy's music? I find that hard to believe. This is a girl who's love of Cher overshadows even my Townshend and Nesmith loves. There's also a long standing Madonna fascination. The consensus is that she's a gay man in a woman's body. The fact that she had (and hope to god is over) a heavy infatuation with an openly and obviously gay man. Of course, he did nothing to make it easier on her, confiding in her about the one woman he could see himself sleeping with. It was not her. The sex/penis obsession is also very gay man to me. So, after noticing the button I play some Strokes for her to hear. (Maybe I'm still a little put out by the horrified face she made when the Strokes CD ended and the Tommy overture started. YES, it is the Claratin music, and she insisted that it was used in a recent car commercial, but not any I've seen.)
Less than one week (mere days, in fact) later she's downloading the whole album and posting lyrics in her AIM profile. What the hell? I could be more understanding and say that perhaps she finds some kind of identfication with those lyrics, but even so.
The point of all that was to say that I've been considering the poser-ish aspects of this person's personality for some weeks now. And today she excitedly tells me she bought some shirts. The first one is a Sid and Nancy shirt. What the fuck? Sid and Nancy? Where the FUCK did that come from? She bought the Hot Topic "Beauty and the Beast" shirt. When I inadvertently express my amazement and surprise ("You bought a Sid and Nancy shirt?"), she seems all huffy. Why not? Well, I didn't know you liked the Sex Pistols. Oh, she doesn't really, she says, she likes the 'je ne se quois' around Sid. Maybe I could accept that easier if half an hour later she wasn't downloading "Should I Stay or Should I Go" and asking if it's a Sex Pistols song (which it was apparently labelled. No... it's the Clash.
Martha and I adore London Calling. We discovered this I think when she was sifting through my CDs at Spring Break. *Sigh* Another Martha/Ellen thing intruded upon.
I know why I'm upset. At least, I'm pretty sure. It's petty and selfish but I feel threatened. This identity is honestly evolving in me, a minor fondness for punk music and the grand joy of discovering new music. Doors are opening right and left, and I feel like I'm being mimicked when my friend comes through right after me. With seemingly no rhyme or reason. E* thinks I'm being far to harsh and I probably am. I'll admit that. And yet, as someone who has always been shy and mousey, I violently hate the idea that as I start to emerge with this distinct musical personality, an idependence and distinctiveness that I feel is giving me some confidence, someone else is trying to give the same appearance with little logic apparent.
I don't think I'm articulating this well. I feel like she's stomping all over my territory. Yeah, I let Martha in, but she has more knowledge than me, she opens doors with me and there's give and take. Discussion and similarity of ideas. I've never felt any real connection with this friend musically and I'm offended that it's seemingly being manufactured before my eyes.
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
