laugh-ith, knave!

02.05.03 @ 9:10 p.m.

I found this from last spring in an old notebook I got out to do my anthropological study of my fellow students this evening. It amused me, so I'll reproduce it here. I think it was an aborted first attempt at a project. NOTE: This probably isn't funny unless you've read Richards I & II and Henry V... and probably The Merry Wives of Windsor.

HOST: Hello, and welcome to Bachelorettes in Elizabethan England! I'm your host, Greg Proops. We're here in London with five lucky ladies who hope to find love here on our show. Let's meet one of them.

LADY 1: Hi, Joe.

HOST: Greg.

LADY 1: Whatever. My name is Stephanie and I manage a Gap store in Madison, Wisconsin.

HOST: Faaaaan-tastic. Now let's meet the first bachelor vying for your attention. He's a young man who lists his hobbies as bar-hopping and war with France, meet Henry V, King of England!

*Henry enters, waves to audience and cameras, winning smile. He approaches LADY 1, and takes her hand.*

HENRY: In loving me, Stephanie, you should love the friend of Wisconsin, for I love Wisconsin so well that I will not part with a village of it; I will have it all mine.

That's all I have written out. I've got summaries for the other major bachelors.

Richard III: Kills several of the contestant's relatives and shags her over the corpse of one.

Henry V: Takes over her country and tries to woo her with the "[France] is yours and yours is mine blah blah"

FALSTAFF: Sends suggestive letters & makes secret rendevous, naughty parchments.

RICHARD II: Tells her he's sensitive and likes art, then commands her to be his queen.

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Previously

fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05