never tell a woman 'yes'
03.14.05 @ 12:01 a.m.
The two things I worry about over Spring Break are not getting to see my sister (which is interesting, as we've never been close... and yet...) and having to deal with Andrew's Ryan, because even after all this time, I have a fairly passionate dislike of him. I really, really, really do not know what Andrew sees in him. Nor, frankly, do I see why he and Martha have apparently become friends. Amy and Ryan share a mutual dislike, and I'm inclined to go with Amy here.
It's funny how friendships mutate and oscillate. Amy's probably my best friend now, or near on... Well, I talk to Martha and Amy about equally; Amy through IM conversations and Martha through email. In elementary school, we were indifferent, except I think she wanted to be Jodi's friend and I happily took up as much time, space, and friendship as I could from Jo. For a very short span, I was... not happy with her. This may well be a perennial problem for me, but I don't want to be like my dad ("All my friends are undeserving bastards who don't appreciate me..." especially since he actually went and cut ties with all his friends from that period and made new friends, Bob his bicycling buddy with extremely bad luck and Dick the harmonica playing truck driver. In truth, though, I think he's happier.)
I'm trying to work on my Paradise Lost paper for Milton; it shall be about gender (arrgh, minefield I willingly choose to walk into!) mainly about Eve perhaps being set up to fall. I figured it's one of my favorite aspects of PL, so I might as well bend the extremely vague gender topic in that direction. She's told she's pretty but stupid so much that she already desperately wants to be more Adam's intellectual equal so she can please him, so the opportunity to be as smart or smarter is something that can hardly be passed up. (I almost wish I could go down the whole angel-sex route... Raphael says "There's no happiness without love and, uh, we're pretty dang happy" when Adam asks, and later Milton notes that all angels are pretty much male, though they "can either sex assume"... I don't remember where in the poem we were when Aaron (so either an anime geek or a furry or something... one of those long haired, soft spoken young gentlemen of the internet... ohh, you'd so know it if you saw him) made some comment about how the implications were that God might have been better off if he'd skipped right to Adam and Steve. I think that we even tossed around homoeroticism when discussing Paradise Regain'd and Satan dismissed Belial's notion of using sexy ladies to tempt Christ. I still haven't read PR yet, but I plan to, if only to explore the weridness described by instructor and classmates, and the whole "This is weirdly zen" thing everyone was going on about.) Anyway, the point is that God and Raphael, if not Adam, also contribute to the fall by seriously fucking with Eve's self-esteem. She loves him so much that she'd defy God in hopes of being more worthy of him, and he loves her so much that he walks into the fall more aware of the consequences than she, but unwilling to live without her. But then, what kind of threat is death when it doesn't yet exist in the world? It can't even be comprehended.
Ooooo-kay, that's enough of that. It appears that I've got two wisdom teeth growing in simultaneously and it hurts, hurts, hurts, at least on the lower right, and I am extremely unhappy about it.
[The title is, in fact, a Monkees song, one I quite like though something in me chafes at the title.]
Previously
fuck it @ 08.01.05
fanciful imaginary sea voyages to come @ 07.20.05
*dies* @ 07.19.05
more ootp @ 07.17.05
harry potter: driving our children into devil worship @ 07.17.05
